It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were destined to go to rehab together
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
