it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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