I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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