I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My balls are so social today.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
