This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
