Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
