I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
