why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
