there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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