tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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