drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
