how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
