Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
