you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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