You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize