My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
