Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
