Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
