Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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