Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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