I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
