She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
