Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
