so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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