I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He passed out mid-signature
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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