You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
