you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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