pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
