So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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