I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
