i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
