Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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