She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
