i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
