you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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