my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i now understand why vodka
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
