I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
