I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
