I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
