That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
