1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
