is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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