So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
