Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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