meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
