my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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