ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
