We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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