My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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