Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
