k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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