Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
