Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
