don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
