What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
