hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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