There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
