I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
