i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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