I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
