Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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