Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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