arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
