O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
