I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
