with your own penis?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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