You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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