Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
