i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
