Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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