went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
