i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
