I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
